The best thing is to speak to a therapist. Try to remember the reasons you first fell in love. If youre at your wits end, if you are starting to regret marrying your S.O., go to marriage counselling instead of finding comfort elsewhere. Matchmakers consider what their clients have in common, but also keep an eye out for certain sets of incompatible qualities between partners, that usually mean a relationship won't work out. The Future You Imagine Tend To Be Different Whether you are in the dating phase of your relationship or you are married partners, the future you imagine together is very important. I have a graduate degree in Psychology and Ive spent the last 15 years reading and studying all I can about human psychology and practical ways to hack our mindsets. My friend also wants two kids and a nice apartment. If you think that your boyfriend is a closet misogynist, discuss it and make sure its clear to him that it greatly affects you. How do you know the difference between healthy issues and unhealthy issues? You dont even have to give any explanation. Whilst you can work to better understand each others love languages and find ways to communicate using them, couples who share primary love languages will naturally feel more loved and in love. If it still doesnt work, it might be time to reevaluate your relationship and move on. Allow yourself to feel whatever you feel. Can You Fix A One-Sided Relationship Or Should You End It? Having a plan when you first try to resolve your issues shows that you are committed to working things out. If you want to be the next Barack Obama, find your Michelle. "text": "It depends. Thats not to say that you cant support each others growth and become better people together. Disagreements in a relationship are A-OK, as long as you both have a healthy fighting style. A lifestyle incompatibility can extend to physical activity and other forms of self-care, as well. As Melody Kiersz, a professional matchmaker with the digital matchmaking service Tawkify, tells Bustle, "There are some obvious ones, like not wanting the same things in life, lifestyle choices in terms of travel or location, and relationship style (i.e., monogamous vs. polyamorous). But there are lesser-known incompatibilities that often lead to breakups, too, like the ones addressed below. Once youre quite clear of the reasons, tell your partner. incompatibilities that often lead to breakups, money is major source of relationship stress, can impact your connection with your partner. If you're the super chill type, it can be fun (and even a bit helpful) to date someone who's on the peppier side. This seriously backfired. Submitted On September 11, 2009. They make more than enough time and effort. Not many right, because this is just not much fun. You should agree on marriage, children, and a home base where you will settle. It all seems so perfect, and yet these types of shared interests aren't actually the best way to measure signs of compatibility with your partner. If you have similar life goals or you complement each others life goals (individual and combined), youll find that life is much easier. The same can be said of political views or allegiances. Your professional lives will likely differ substantially, too. You won't have much to talk about, you likely won't have many goals in common, and ultimately you may decide you'd be happier with someone else. If you buy through links on this page, we may earn a small commission. Having different values in a relationship And its sad to look at the two of them because they still clearly love each other a lot but they really just cant be together while staying true to themselves. Try to introduce a variety of different activities that the two of you can do together. They try to bend as far as they can until one day, theyll break. Ipromise that when you do, your differences will again become a positive rather than a negative thing. Some people are typically positive about things, others are often quite negative, and still others can jump between the two depending on their mood. 1. And it can all play into compatibility. Has communication failed? You may, in the end, decide you and your partner are incompatible anyway. Two people aren't 100% compatible or 100% incompatible. Think about your car breaking down: If you view it as a small hiccup, while your partner has a complete meltdown, the difference in your reactions and ability to cope wont make for a very smooth relationship. And that's obviously not a good mix. Celebrate the differences. Just begin making changes within yourself and your environment. While this article explores the main things you can do when you and your partner arent compatible, it can be helpful to speak to a relationship coach about your situation. I mentioned this revolutionary concept earlier. If the two of you have a very different sense of humor and never seem to laugh at the same things, you might not be able to reach the same levels of fun as more compatible couples. When it comes to the way a government acts or what candidates campaign on during election time, you might find the two of you opposed to one another on key issues. As Hattabaugh says, "No matter how money is spent, one person is always going to feel that they didn't get what they wanted and be unhappy.". It will ultimately come down to whether you can find a middle ground that you can both be happy with in the long run. And its those differences that make living special. When you find someone who is most of the time, then you'll know you've truly found a compatible partner. Not only does it lead to arguments, but it's also often a sign a couple doesn't share the same values or belief system. We both need to do laundry. Connect with an experienced relationship expert to start the process. Are you someone who needs to be five minutes early, while your partner is someone who consistently runs an hour late? As matchmaker Amber Artis tells Bustle, If you have different love languages you can make a relationship work, but you have to be willing to learn your partner's love language and communicate how you like to receive love., Amie Leadingham, master certified relationship coach, Elizabeth Overstreet, relationship expert and matchmaker, Sarah Watson, licensed professional counselor and sex therapist, Joanne Ketch LPC, LMFT, LCDC, NCC, psychotherapist, This article was originally published on Feb. 2, 2018, When Having An Affair Is An Act Of Self-Care, Karly & Deb Found A Simple Way Of Making Long Distance Work, Caroline & Nat First Met At A House Party Over A Decade Ago, Get Even More From Bustle Sign Up For The Newsletter. Youll find your compatibility differences shrinking as he comes to the realization that this is the only relationship for him. Dr. K. weighs in and gives advice on what to do. Now imagine their venn diagram. The other day, I was contacted by a wife who was upset because, during Youd start to miss banter and never-ending conversations about everything under the sun rather than just sports or the latest celebrity gossip. Science has had its say on this, and the conclusion is that couples who laugh together, stay together. You will start to feel youre settling and you might start looking for mental stimulation elsewhere. Money is one of the top reasons people get divorced. Although incompatible sex drives arent an automatic dealbreaker, it also can become a relationship-ending issue down the road. With that in mind, here are 21 incompatible qualities matchmakers and relationship experts say aren't likely to lead to relationship success. From hair trends to relationship advice, our daily newsletter has everything you need to sound like a person whos on TikTok, even if you arent. If youre not happy that youre only having sex once a week, please say it out loud and be firm. "Some people are laid-back and let little get to them, while others take every one of lifes challenges to heart," Grohol said. Chemistryis the emotional and physical connection you have with another person. For some, tension can occur when one partner wants to help the other partner become healthier, when theyre perfectly happy with the way their life is. In the worst case scenario, one partner feels frustrated and unfulfilled with their sex life, so they decide to look elsewhere. Everything you need to know, 15 signs your ex is testing the waters How to tell. In fact, you should not even consider this because one thing that contributes to feeling "in love" is knowing that the other person "gets" you and yet loves youanyway. If you want to get in touch with me, hit me up on Facebook or Twitter. If youre a hugger and they hate hugs, well too bad for you. Its when your values, lifestyle, and goals in life align. So dont think its superficial or petty. If not, one of you should get ready for a life of frustration. 1. If one of you has lots of free time whilst the other is often very busy with work or studies, the one with the free time might end up feeling neglected. Compatibility, unlike chemistry, is more tangible and measurable. We all want to find our perfect match and live happily ever after, but what if the two of you are quite different in many ways? But sometimes mismatched life tempos can become a problem. They become thoughtful partners. So it shouldn't come as a surprise that an extreme saver and mega spender would have a hard time staying together in the long run. Or if you work at different times of day or on different days entirely, it might mean the time you can spend together is extremely limited. An incompatible couple, on the other hand, might fight dirty or refuse to listen to each other. Relationship expert James Bauer coined this concept called the hero instinct. What I'm trying to show you is that it's very likely that it's the environment that is incompatible now and not necessarily your personalities or your marriage. It really does help if this need matches up. Your shared interests dont need to be anything particularly special enjoying a nice meal at a restaurant or visiting the sights and attractions in nearby cities is enough. needs it, like you need sex. Sometimes, having everything in common can be "too much of a good thing," Kimia Mansoor, a matchmaker at Tawkify, tells Bustle. You dont have to be physically together to find out if youre compatible so long as everyone is honest. 3. However, if your partner doesnt have any interest or curiosity whatsoever on the things youre passionate about or if you talk about something you think is basic knowledge and you just get a blank stare most of the time, then you are bound to feel sad or empty about your relationship to a degree. Youll be surprised that one day, your feelings will be back again. Copyright A Conscious Rethink. Consider the following strategies to deal with and overcome incompatibility in relationships: 1. Acceptance of your differences and a willingness to work through the challenges those differences will pose is the only way to have a healthy relationship. Youll know deep down whether or not a difference is insurmountable. Imagine a world where the husband and wife think and do exactly alike - it would be like two computers living together. Thats what marriage is about being committed to making things work. They can also mediate your and your partners discussions to help you overcome whatever issues you may be facing, if you would like them to. If you work to live and they live to work, it wont be easy. Some were even forced into marriagebut did well despite that. Celebrating differences might come off as a If youve talked about it, tried to make adjustments, and you just cant get on the same page about sex, theres a chance that your relationship may not last. From hair trends to relationship advice, our daily newsletter has everything you need to sound like a person whos on TikTok, even if you arent. Its a mystery how it happens, really. Kate Ferguson is a Los Angeles local and freelance writer for a variety of blog and magazine genres. The good news is, this can be worked through. 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